I’ll tell you something scary. Change is the only constant. The seasons, fashion, technology, science, medicine are constantly evolving and developing. Like them, we must also change and grow.
In the last 18 months I’ve done a lot of changing… I’ve gone from big drinker and party animal (also an amazing version of me so my friends say) to someone who enjoys meditation and chanting, someone who loves learning about the power of the universe, someone who suddenly wants to work for themselves instead of climbing the corporate ladder. It’s a big shift and people definitely notice. In fact, something I get told almost daily is “you’ve changed”. And that’s ok. I love the changes I’ve made and how they make me feel. I love the direction my life has taken. But it hasn’t been easy, it’s been confronting and overwhelming too.
The Steph who partied, got drunk and was always up for a good time was popular for sure.
But what most people didn’t see was the aftermath. I’d constantly wake up regretting the night before or anxious because I couldn’t remember everything. I’d laugh it off like “oh shit, I don’t remember hahaha” but it actually made me sick to my stomach re-hearing stories of a person who was so out of control. Part of being single is going out and having a good time… and I totally respect that and get it (it’s not like you’re going to stay in every weekend night on your own), but going out and getting hammered every weekend (doing what I thought I was supposed to do) always left me feeling empty. But the problem was I had nothing else to fill the void when I did stay in on weekends. If I wasn’t drinking… what the hell was I going to do?
When I met my partner, he called me out on my bullshit. He encouraged me to really look inwards and do you know what I saw? Someone who didn’t believe in herself. Someone who doubted every single thing she did. Someone who had a really poor relationship with herself. And that wasn’t who I wanted to be.
Slowly but surely, I started to change things… more exercise, healthier diet. More self-development books and seminars. A very long and laboured quest to find my passion (cue endless hours of googling, personality tests and a few workshops). Less drinking and more soulful catch ups with my friends and family. Over the course of 6-8 months my relationship with myself flourished… my self-belief sky rocketed and I even started my very own little business. Prior to the change, I had never wanted to work for myself… I specifically remember saying to my partner “it’s just not for me, I like working for other people”. But that was fear talking. That was self-doubt talking and telling me “you could never do that… you’re not smart enough, no one would take you seriously” and “what would you even do… you don’t have any skills or degrees – no one would listen to you”.
The number one thing I’ve learnt about loving yourself and about self-belief is you’ve got to stop caring what other people think. You’ve got to do what makes you happy. If something feels good and right, but you know society will think it’s weird then DO IT! It means you’re on the right path.
When I did my first ever chanting meditation (not that long ago!) I told people about it and they laughed… they rolled their eyes and told me it was a phase. But I loved it and this stuff lights me up! It makes me feel great and it makes me a better person to be around.
The thing about change is that it’s always scary and not everyone is going to agree with it. You may lose some friends, you may feel like a square peg in a round hole for a while. But once you’re living a life that gives you purpose, once you’ve surrounded yourself with people who fan your flames and lift you higher you’ll understand it was all worth it.
Change is scary, but it’s exciting too.